Day 84: Dream

Dream until your dream comes true!

I saw this today and I thought, "Well heck yeah! That makes perfect sense!"

So often we give up on something because it gets a bit difficult or seems too daunting or too far into the future... But it does always get darkest right before the dawn and the hill always seems hardest right before the top. I like dreaming, even if it sounds ridiculous to others or absolutely crazy in the moment, but why not dream it til it comes true? That leaves a smile on my face. =)

Day 83: Memories to last a lifetime

I've been back from a 17 day road trip for about 5 days now. . . I still feel like it was a dream. Do you have times in your life like that? Where you wonder, "Did that actually happen or was it just a wonderful dream that I unfortunately had to wake from?" 

The photo aren't all that exciting and the stories that each day held are far too many to tell. I only took pics with my iPhone and forgot to take pics often so these ones will have to do. :)  I hope you enjoy!

(Some extra photos came in today! So I added them!)

It begins with a 5 hour layover in Seattle, from 1-6am, which I planned to sleep through. Based on this wide eyed face I bet you can tell just how much sleep I got. I was too excited! My face wouldn't stop smiling long enough for me to sleep. So I arrived in Vegas on zero sleep and ready to begin a Grand Adventure! 

First thing to do in Vegas: leave Vegas! Haha! Couldn't wait to get to Zion! What a gorgeous place it was! Hiked up Angels Landing as soon as we got there. (Yup. First fail on the non-photo taking... Expect many. Ha!)

A tree at the top of Angel's Landing :)

But this was the view from the room. What a view to awake too! 

Zion led us to the Four Corners and over to Mesa Verde. I had lived in Colorado for 17 years and had never made it to Mesa Verde before. (Once again... Imagine the scene in your mind's eye.... Oops)

A bridge to all four states. :)

A cozy night in Durango before heading to Orvis Hot Springs.

This is the sauna room

And one of their pools. I am such a fan of hot springs! For real! 

From Orvis we had a beautiful drive to Saratoga Springs in Wyoming.... (And yes, I forgot to take a photo so I snagged this one off line... It was definitely not summer when we were there! Hahaha) Still absolutely gorgeous though. 

Departing Saratoga we headed to Jackson Hole, WY. What a beautiful drive! We were graced by the wonderful sun and all it shined down upon! 

The Grand Tetons were just that- GRAND! 

Once again, totally failed to get any pictures in Jackson. We did decide to spend an extra day in Jackson and headed out to Granite Hot Springs. The options to get to the springs included: DogSled rides, snow mobile rentals, or cross country skiing. We opted for Fat Tire Bike rentals and peddled ourselves the 10 miles each way to the springs. It was EPIC!! Definitely made my Top 10 List of Awesomness! 

Before leaving Jackson we stumbled upon a gem! Cafe Boheme was the best food along our 4,000 mile journey. The owner, Cathy, was as sweet as can be and her food left lasting memories in my heart. 

Our journey then led us near Bozeman, MT to a quaint and cozy lodge by a river (whoopsie. No photo again)... :{

After a peaceful evening we were northbound again to Whitefish, MT for another two night stay. We became instant friends with Ashley, the best front desk gal at the Pine Lodge! The next day was St Patrick's Day and that night is unforgettable. So many new friends. Found a cozy bar named Crush, where the whole lot of us were serenaded by two amazing local singers. Seriously was one of my favorite nights, ever. Not much else beats a cozy environment with funny wonderful entertainment surrounded by friends.  

We had so much fun in Whitehorse that we opted to keep it going. A friend offered to take us out to their cabin in Glacier National Park and we couldn't say no! 

After spending a deliciously cozy night in a cabin, next to a wood stove, with unbeatable conversations, and delicious food and music, it was time to say goodbye.

Our next adventure led us to Calgary and an interesting stay, at what I learned is called a homestay. We pulled up in a neighborhood, in front of a gorgeous house and I felt so silly walking to the front door. There was no indication that this was a hotel or b&b... A young Asian girl answered the door and I thought for sure we had the wrong address... But sure enough, we were in the right place. We were shown to a room in their gorgeous home and decided to get all fancy and head into Calgary. Once again I failed to get a photo... But I was definitely happy regardless.

(Here's a picture of me making sure the jewelry worked before ever leaving anchorage)

My very first time ever wearing a Little Black Dress. I felt like a princess. :)

The following morning as we quietly lumbared down the stairs with our luggage, we were surprised by a older Asian man wondering what took us so long to come down for breakfast. !! Uh, we had no idea we were supposed to be eating breakfast. But I guess that's what happens at a homestay. So we settled in at their kitchen table and were waited upon by a wonderful woman who wanted to ensure I had plenty of orange juice. It was such a strange experience to be sitting at a stranger's kitchen table while they waited on you and watched you eat the whole time. Haha! Time to make new friends, I guess. By the end of breakfast we were all exchanging hugs and goodbyes like we were old friends. What a wonderful life we live. 

Banff was the next stop and Good Golly Molly is it gorgeous! 

I didn't want to leave. . . But a hotel in Japser was waiting for us and on the road again, we went. 

Absolutely gorgeous drive! 

Jasper to Fort St John the next day... And while this photo might not seem like much... To me it holds a treasure! If you look closely you will see an Owl!!! I wanted so badly to see an owl on the trip. . . Knowing it would be a miracle. And low and behold: a miracle. =)

Fort St John led us to Liard Hot Springs for an evening to soak once more in magics waters. . .with lazy bison soaking up the sun. 

Sitting in the hot springs, under a full sky of stars, a crescent moon next to a shining Venus, and a whole new group of friends to share story with, I thought I just may explode from happiness. And just when I thought life couldn't get any better, I looked up and the Northern Lights were dancing overhead. My little heart squealed with joy at the magic of life.

Liard to Whitehorse. . . And a kind front desk gal who decided, "I like you. I'm gonna upgrade you to the Presedential Suite. Shh, don't tell anyone." 

Wow! Life- you sure know how to woo a gal! :)

Whitehorse to Anchorage was a gloriously sunny day. Welcomed home by Mount Sanford, Drum, and Wrangell. 

On our trip we managed to see:

Hundreds of deer, antelope, and elk. We saw handfuls of bald eagles! Two golden eagles (the first I'd ever seen!). 4 coyotes! Big horn sheep. Mountain goats. Rock sheep. Moose. Not one but Two OWLS! And a Lynx! What a wonderful world we live in. 

Followed by a crisp sunset as we pulled into Anchorage- the sun setting on the final night of an epic 17 day trip filled with more memories than my heart can hold.


I'll admit it has been a tough time getting my feet back on the ground after a high-flying trip. But it's been nice to be surrounded by my friends and family and it seems even the fish are glad I'm back in town.

Day 82: The Great UnKnown

Sitting in the airport, getting ready to head to a new adventure!! 'Unknowns' can feel scary. The most exciting scary there is. In those places we find hidden treasures. But we have to be willing to head into the excitingly scary Unknown. Loud voices speak all kinds of unhelpful things. All my past 'failures' want a seat in the front row of my memory to remind me of the risk. 

A quiet voice whispers, 'Where there is great risk, there is great reward.' My heart trembles. I can't tell if it's a trembling from excitement or panic. 

The past couple years of my life haven't made much sense. I felt like I was on a horrible ride and I couldn't get off and I wasn't in control of the destruction that I was being hauled through. And although the ride has settled down, and The Lake of Desolation, that I damn near drowned in, is now in the past, I am still unsure why life is unfolding in the way that it is. I'm not sure we ever get those answers.

 

All I know is there is another door before me. . . I find myself holding my breath as I walk up and reach towards the handle. . .

What will be on the other side? There is only one way to find out. 

Day 81: Freedom to Be

A couple nights ago, some of my Kung Fu friends and I were sitting around talking and randomly came up with the idea of dancing at a bar in town on Friday night. Well, Friday night came and we ALL followed through and went dancing!! No one bailed. I think we were all expecting it to fall through and we were all so excited when everyone showed up to Myrna's last night. It was such a random group of people to be grooving at a gay bar together and it was one of the best nights of my life!!! 

I had such an amazing time with such amazing friends! I can't wait to do it again! I'm so thankful.

And I absolutely love Mad Myrna's as a bar. I love that there are so many different types of people there, expressing themselves in ways that feels good to them. There is so much freedom and lack of judgement in that bar. I had a deeply wonderful conversation with a person named Caitlin and it was their first time out in drag and I was so honored that, in the middle of a bar, we could have a truly connected conversation about how much kindness they were receiving from complete strangers. So much acceptance. We all just want to be loved for our silly ways. We all just want to love who we feel called to love. 

I found myself spinning around the dance floor many, many times last night smiling and connecting with so many different people and each time we would share a smile of acceptance my heart grew even bigger. Last night was a beautiful display of Total Acceptance. . . And I awoke this morning with a happy love-filled heart. 

Day 80: Honored

As most of you know, Craniosacral therapy is my passion. I am always so humbled and filled with deep gratitude whenever someone walks into my massage room. What an honor it is to know that a person is trusting me to take care of them, to create a safe place for reflection, to stay present with them during our time together. I get so filled up with love with each opportunity that I get to experience a cranialsacral session. Sacred simplicity. <3

Day 79: Pattern

I have a pattern. . . A pattern that I am becoming more aware of. I am curious if others have this same pattern. As most of you know, I am a very excitable person. :)

When I have an idea about making something happen I get PUMPED! But as the event gets closer. . . I start to wonder if it will be as wonderful as I've imagined it to be... And in that space, I start to feel sad or maybe scared about how excited I've been. I start trying to lower my expectations and feel myself pull away from the happiness that was my driving force to begin with. Now the event I've been imaging, for however long, becomes a trigger of sadness opposed to happiness. Many times in my past I have decided (sometimes even the same day) that I won't go to the longed after event. (This happens a lot on Halloween. Haha)

Well, today I was very much in this saddened state. And seeing as this is a Happiness Post, I am here to tell you that I was so happy to be able to go to three Kung Fu classes today and be surrounded by friends. Not only was my mind occupied with the pushing of my mental/physical limits, I was able to utilize that time in a new way. My mantra during class three (as I'm trembling and breaking down mentally) was "It is weakness leaving the body. . . My weakness which causes me to resort to old patterns". 

While I'm not sure how well it worked, it did feel inspiring! And my day was filled with laughter and friendship. So that kicks ass! 

Day 78: It is in the Opening

I had an unbelievably amazing weekend (to be honest, words fall short at being able to describe the actuality of the past few days)... As part of the Yoga Teacher Training, I was able to attend a workshop offered by Christopher Hareesh Wallis. Life-changing. The expansive state of Awe created from this weekend spilled over into today and I can't even count the amount of times I was filled to overflowing with gratitude. Deep, soul-fulfilling, juicy moments of seeing utter beauty everywhere I looked and in the words I heard and read. Like the lovely gems below that I feel inspired to share with you. 

I hope these words speak to something in you as well. It's important to take care of yourself, intensely. You are the most precious thing in the world. Every part of you. Be tender with yourself, like you would with a beloved child. Love is everywhere. We just have to be open to receiving it... And once we open the door, love comes rushing in. It's patiently waiting for the invitation from us.
"I am ready."

These words were found on a Facebook page called: Sacred Dreams.

Held~ by Jeff Foster

In my short time on this planet, I have known great sorrow, plunged into the depths of oceanic despair, been thrown so deeply into my loneliness that I thought I would never return. I have tasted the ecstatic joys of meditation, the fierce intimacy of love, the savage pains of heartbreak, the excitement of unexpected success and the blows of sudden failure. There were times when I thought I'd never make it, times when my dreams had been shattered so thoroughly I couldn't imagine how life could ever go on. Yet it went on, and sometimes I found humility within the devastation, and out of the ashes of imagined futures often grew new and present joys, and no experience was ever wasted. 
I have come to trust life completely, trust even the times when I forget how to trust at all, trust that life doesn't always go according to plan, because there is no plan, only life, and even the times of great uncertainty hold supreme intelligence, and sometimes you have to fall to stand more fearlessly, with greater kindness. 
And somehow I am always held, in a way I cannot explain and do not want to. I may be crushed yet again before too long, I may experience further seemingly insurmountable challenges and heartbreaks, but somehow I am always held. Somehow I am always held.

Guests~ By Matt Licata

When an unwanted guest arrives in the vastness of your heart- whether sadness, rage, shame, or grief- listen carefully for an ancient invitation: will you care for this one and infuse it with your presence? Will you hold it close as you would a little one longing for just one moment of your love?
The next time you are greeted with an uninvited visitor, see the habitual movement to deny it or act it out, to avoid it or get hooked into its compelling narrative of urgency and escape. Stay close, right in the middle- offer an intimate playground of tender awareness for the energy to dance inside the vastness that you are. Before you turn away - concluding it is an enemy from the outside, a barrier to the path, and evidence that you have failed - offer just one moment of safe passage. 
As you cultivate the willingness to provide sanctuary to the burning within, you do so not just for yourself, but for all beings everywhere, as well as for the precious earth herself. For when you lay a new groove of self-care and compassion in your own miraculous nervous system, it is simultaneously reflected in the mud and the soil and oceans and the stars. And as you return over and over and over again, to kindness and to space, you may be astonished as you notice your struggle with life falling away on its own.


Be Fully Present with yourself. All of yourself. Open the door of love to all the parts of you that you have closed the door to. For it is in the opening that life happens.

Love to you all.