Day 94: Losing Hope :)

So I am, once again, going to say something that sounds very backwards. I felt like a weight was lifted off of my chest today when I realized I had lost all hope. Yes, today my happy moment came when I looked at myself in the reflection of a computer screen and said, "Damn it. I still have hope. That suuuuucks," and I felt like I was slapped in the face. Why would hope cause me to react in a way of disappointment?!? On this never ending quest for, um, growth (?) I had to dive head first into that question. (Cause let's be real here, for those of you who know me, I dive head first into everything except a pool).

As I sat there in disbelief that I had been slapped across the face by a thought, my mind began to say "Warmer! Getting warmer. Yes... go there!" And that is when I realized that hope keeps us stuck. Now I am not saying that in all manners of life this is the case, nothing is 100%. When it's more a fleeting thought or not much is attached to it, hope could be a fine thing to throw in. And yes, hope may be a comfort at times, but it is no way empowering. I am testing for my first patch in Kung Fu tomorrow (it's a patch system, not a belt system) and I was thinking to myself, if I were sitting here now hoping that I pass my test tomorrow, I would absolutely feel anxious. (Thankfully, I have worked my butt off and I believe that I will pass it tomorrow. I took the necessary steps, put forth the effort and feel confident. Which, oddly enough, doesn't include room for hope.)

Try it out in your own body. Think of something big that you hope happens. Something that you have a large desire for. You may start to realize that in that thought there is actually space for doubt. It takes away all of your power. It takes this moment and throws us somewhere in the future where something may or may not exist and in that space we feel the lack of what we are hoping for. "I hope someday I'm happy." Whizzzz there you go into the future and in this moment you feel lack. It's like hope is a massive highlighter of what we don't have. When you come back to this moment and think of that same thing you desire and yet, you don't hope for it, ahhhhhh something happens. Did you feel a space being created? By eliminating hope, it opens up space for action. If you want something, do something about it, without hope. Take necessary steps, put forth any effort required, believe that it is possible. Belief in something is empowering. I read this from Lori Deschene, "When you believe something can be better, you take responsibility for creating it, starting in this moment." You're not hoping it will get better somewhere in the future. The entire energy of a possibility changes when you leave hope out of it.

Letting go of hope means letting go of attachment. Attachment to the outcomes. When the attachment to an outcome is released, we find ourselves back in the present moment. And in the present moment, we have the opportunity to actually do something about it, even if the something we are doing is reminding ourselves to let go of any hope.

And yes, ladies and gentlemen, that leaves a smile on this girl's face. I am without hope and, boy, does that feel good! I hope I'm able to keep losing hope. Bwhahahaha! I am going to work hard to remain hope free.   ;)