Day 67: Racket Ball

The miracle of a racket ball!!! Omg! So today was another gung-ho 12 hours of yoga training... (And Kung fu on Thursday had my leg muscles feeling pretty tense today). . . By the 8th hour today, I was feeling pretty worked; lots of yoga, lots of sitting, lots of unhappy muscles...

We spent the last couple hours of training learning to use a racket ball for massaging techniques to open up muscles to improve yoga postures and how to include these massage techniques into a tin yoga class. The pain was intense, and 100% worth it!!! Omg!!! When we finished going down the entire back side of the body, I stood up pain free and totally grounded in my body. Mind Blown! I will be purchasing a racket ball tomorrow and carrying it with me at all times, everywhere, forever.  

Day 66: Accidentally On Purpose

(This was yesterday's)

An unexpected phone call, bringing about a fit of giggles, witty banter, and awesome memory lane exchanges. 

You gotta leave room in life for the unexpected moments... Even if those moments are initiated by a 'butt dial', with a slightly awkward beginning, and nervous laughter as we find our groove. That can be a metaphor for so many things in life :)

Day 65: Rally

"Always see the good in your fellow human beings, put the negative aspects of the past behind you, live completely in the present, and make the best you possibly can of it. Expect the best from the future and remain in constant contact with Cosmic Consciousness -- then nothing will stand in the way of a meaningful and happy life."

I have been slacking on reporting my happy moments (partially out of pure exhaustion). I've also had too many happy moments to find words for lately! My days have been filled with such richness and kindness from friends. I was too physically exhausted to summon the energy to express my gratitude for so much goodness in my world lately. How silly is that?! :)

But tonight... I rallied and wanted to share some good vibes. 

Day 64: Woah

Day 64/100 of happy....

Oh boy! Another 12 hour day of yoga training! A whopping 27 hours in the past 53 hours.... :o 

Everything kinda hurts.

No wonder my bed is feeling amazing.... I am so happy at the thought of sleeping in tomorrow! (Bet ya didn't see that one comin ;)

Day 63: 12

Woah! First day of 12 hours of yoga class... Amazing. Intense. Powerful. Woah.

I feel weird. Hahahaha 

Sleep was well earned today and I am actually not 100% dreading my 6am alarm... Which is amazing progress! I'm down to 99% dread. All about the baby steps. ;)

Day 62: It Begins

Today (1/23) I embarked on a new journey of self-cultivation. I started my 200 hour Yoga Teacher Training. I have wanted to do a YTT for 12 years... And it is actually happening.

As I sat in the yoga room, surrounded by 20 other students and 4 teachers, I was vibrating from the inside out with excitement! I get so enthused by spiritual endeavors and self-reflection and cultivation. It makes my heart beat faster, my body zing with rushes of tingles from head to toe and I feel like I can't learn fast enough and yet, I never want it to end. 

Tonight (and nearly ever Friday) was 3 hours and tomorrow (along with nearly each Saturday and Sunday til mid April) are 12 hours each day. It's gonna be intense and amazing and my only hope is that it doesn't go by too quickly. I have so many books to read and so much to integrate and, and, and.... Breathe. Just breathe. In and out. In and out. 

Namasté everyone. :)

The Divine in me honors the Divine in you

Day 62: Poof!

Do you ever have days where you wake up on the proverbial "wrong side of the bed"? How does that even happen? Well- today was one of those days for me. I had to drag my unhappy ass out of bed and growl and moan my way to Kung Fu class. I'm sure I had a lovely scowl on my face the entire 15 minute drive and slouched my way into the building. As soon as I rounded the corner and saw a familiar Fu friend, I forgot all about my grouchiness. *Poof* Just like that. 

Then one friend after the next, after the next, after the next showed up and I was in a fit of giggles in no time. They even convinced me to show up for the second class in the afternoon... I couldn't believe I agreed to two Fu classes back to back.... and once again, as I rounded the corner and saw my familiar faced friends, knowing we were all worked from morning class, I was so pumped to be there again. Surrounded by awesome people, with upbeat energy, all ready to work out and encourage each other. I'm already looking forward to Thursday Double Fu Day.  :)

Little Things

I've seen this video floating around for a while now. I even clicked on it once and after a few seconds moved on to something else... (our silly ADD world of a million things to see and do). Today I was tagged on Facebook by a friend, with this video attached and the words "Thanks for the inspiration".
I was, of course, inspired to watch the video now....

I will admit I was in tears at the half way mark. What an absolutely wonderful 3 minutes! I felt so honored to have crossed someone's mind when they saw this. Wow.

This video shows so much truth though. We never truly know how deeply we can touch someone's life, making their world a better place, just by showing up and being there, fully present, in that perfect moment in time. Life is all about the little things. We are given hundreds of opportunities, each and every day, to do something little to make others have a better day... even if it's a simple hello and a smile. Little things add up... with strangers and with loved ones. And what we get out of it, is priceless. The opportunity to Feel. What a beautiful thing.

Day 61: Oh Well

Life is all about trying... And when one tries, again and again and again, of course a lot of things aren't gonna work out. If everything worked out the first time we tried anything, we'd never get anywhere, really. 

And while the "oh well" moments are often, and usually not much fun... I definitely would rather an "oh well" than a "what if"... I think "what ifs" are way more haunting then an "oh well"...

We live, we learn, we try again...

Day 60: A Good Round

I am such a sucker for a good round of communication. Whenever things feel all cattywhompus, nothing soothes my soul like seeking to understand the other person's point of view. When we can set down our own defenses and truly listen to another, it's easy to forgive and move into a place of greater love. We are all here, playing this game called life, doing the very best we can with the trials and tribulations we've gone through. We all want to be understood and loved right where we are, perfectly imperfect.

What then?

What if you slept
And what if
In your sleep
You dreamed
And what if
In your dream
You went to heaven
And there plucked a strange and beautiful flower
And what if
When you awoke
You had that flower in your hand
Ah, what then?”

~Samuel Taylor Coleridge, The Complete Poems

This poem always gets me thinking.... Our life is a constant experience of figuring out what we want and what we don't want to experience. I like this. I don't like that. I want more of this. I don't want to do that ever again...   But how often, throughout our lives, are we given exactly what we have been asking for and it shows up in our awareness and it scares us! And we quickly shut the door, turn away from it, and walk back into the space where we wonder why life isn't giving us what we are wanting? So very often, we are given exactly what we ask for and we are too terrified to say Yes and welcome our gift into our experience. 

Sometimes I feel like we are so scared of actually getting what we want. I think this poem has a beautiful way of posing that question for us to actually ponder it... What would you do if your dream came true? Would you have the courage to actually live it?

Day 59: Mellow

Super chill day today. Had both my clients cancel which resulted in an unexpected day off... Got to sleep in (yay!!!!), crawled outta bed and lazily went about my day. Got some delicious water from the Spring, had a leisurely read of some yoga books, an unexpected chat with my bestie, Terra, and had an interesting Bikram class, then some family time with mom and bro... Yay for every day moments of mellow unfolding of life. 

Day 58: Shake It!

I actually listened to the lyrics of this song today and I am thinking it is the new theme song of my life!! I absolutely love it's message.

"It's like I got this music
 In my mind
 Saying, 'It's gonna be alright'"

Shake it off! Shake it off!

I just can't help but wiggle and shake as I make up dances move to the beat. HA! :D   I just love the thought (and actions) of shaking off whatever doesn't feel good to you. We are emotional beings and we feel hundreds of different emotions each days, some good, some bad. We get to pick which one we want to feel and when something happens that 'causes' us to feel bad we have the option to shake it off... cause you know, it's gonna be alright.

What a mantra!

Day 57: Doors

The world works in mysterious ways. When one door closes another always opens... We just have to be patient and continue walking down our path and see what surprises show up along the way. Breathe in, breathe out, one step in front of the other. Repeat. 

Day 56: Row, Row, Row...

Back in action! Made it to my first CoreRow class today at the CrossFit Gym and it ROCKED!! Rowing has been added to the repertoire! Then went to a hot yoga flow class and touched my head to the mat for the first time (in one particularly challenging pose, for me)!! Felt soooooo good to be moving and grooving again. Yay life!! 

Day 55: Back in Business

Today I gave 2 two hour massages! It was the first time I've worked in 8 days! =0

I wish I had spent 8 days away from work soaking up some sun rays or galavanting around the globe... Opposed to laid up in bed. ={

But today it felt great to be giving massages and feeling g healthy again! :)

Day 54: Bombs

Today was a bit of a rough day. Life is messy and full of so many emotions and expectations to fulfill and people to be concerned about and wondering what you do wrong and what you do right and how to make everyone happy .... And it seems like most days, I stumble.

And tonight I stumbled upon this and it makes me full belly laugh! Loaded with F bombs and so much wise advice! I LOVE IT!!!! :D

Day 53: Cards

Oh man! Had a great day today! I woke up at six am with an intense coughing fit, unlike anything I've ever experienced before! It did leave me so awake though that I decided 9am Bikram (and another 90 mins of relief) was absolutely necessary. I was so thankful for a reprieve from the coughing and sneezing. It's like a magic healing land in that room. I then had the rest of the day ahead of me. Lunch was amazing with one friend, tea with another friend, then dinner with more friends, followers by an amazingly awesome night playing Cards Against Humanity. Seriously, the best game ever. I laughed and coughed and sneezed and coughed and laughed my ass off... For hours!!! :D

Day 52: Relief

My lungs are in distress today. I haven't coughed like this in my entire life. I laid up in bed all day surrounded by meds, both natural and non, that didn't do a damn thing for any of my symptoms... I am a weird cookie and believe that nearly all of our physical symptoms are emotional issues finding their way into the "spotlight"... especially if meds aren't doing a thing. And based on this past week, I can see why my lungs are having a hard time...
I got invited to go to Bikram today by a dear friend and solely because of that invite, I rallied my lethargic body out of bed and found my way to yoga class... I am so incredibly thankful that I went. It was a whole 90 minutes of no coughing. My lungs absorbed that 105 degree humidity filled air and I could breath again. Morale of the story: My lungs are telling me I must move to Hawaii. Tomorrow.  Ok, ok, ok. Morale of the story: today I was very thankful for just one hour of relief.

Day 51: Sicko... :(

A cold has set into my lungs with a vengeance. My muscles are actually sore from coughing too much. I feel a bit on the very miserable side and once again am so very thankful for friends. I was very well taken care of today by one friend in particular. It was nice to see him so happy to meet me at Natural Pantry so I could pick out some cough syrup, grab some Oscillococcinum pills, and oregano oil. I now have snacks and am about to watch a movie. Being sick sucks. Being cared for is awesome.

Day 50: Birthday Reflections

Half way point...  100 days of Happy   :)

Today (well technically yesterday since it is 5:30am) is my 32nd birthday. I received SO much love today! Oh my goodness! This might have been the most love-filled day I've ever had. Thank you from the center of my heart. To each and everyone one of you! Thank you for sharing love. I feel it from the tips of my toes to the ends of each strand of hair on my head! Now that's a whole lotta love!

I happen to love my birthday.... not everyone feels that way about their birthdays. I like looking back over each year and seeing what has changed.

Looking back over my 31st year, I can honestly say I have no idea how I survived it. Yes, I spend a lot of time posting about happy things. And I am taking a moment to be very fully open and vulnerable here... to give you all a very real picture of my last year of life. I'll keep it short and won't draw it out, considering it was mainly miserable... but it also is true...

Last year at this time, I had been separated from my husband for 5 months. I was severely depressed and cried nearly every day for about 300+ days. When he returned back to AK in February, I thought things would get better. Boy was I wrong. Things not only got worse, they got worse then I could imagine. I had family members questioning why I didn't return phone calls. The last thing I wanted to share with anyone was how incredibly miserable I was and how every aspect of my life was so painful I didn't know how I'd make it through each and every day. I'd fall asleep in tears and wake up in tears, miserable to be waking up in the same life that I had fallen asleep to. One dreadful month bled into the next and I wondered how one heart could continue on...

I took up rock climbing and kung fu to beat up and terrify the demons that continuously haunted my thoughts and my heart. I do believe those two activities, actually, saved my life. The summer months rolled in and my divorce was final in the middle of June. I was hoping things would feel magnificently different. They didn't. The day after a divorce is finalized, nothing changed. I still awoke to a broken life I never expected. Two weeks after the divorce was legal, I get a phone call learning that my now ex-husband has gotten his, I don't know what you call her, pregnant. He found out the day after the divorce... The pain seems to be never ending. The blows seem to be continuous.  I don't believe there is enough rocks in this world to climb my way out of the agony. The two hour kung fu classes leave my body exhausted but my mind still has no problem beating me up all night long. I cry. Eventually I realize that crying doesn't help. I surround myself with insensitive people to keep me from talking about my pain. To keep my tears in check. That doesn't seem to help either. They just build up and when I am around a kind friend, I lose it. Weeks worth of tears come flooding out. I honestly had no idea how I would get through.

Fall comes around and life feels a little bit better. I'm able to breath, some days. The crying starts to lessen to a few times a week, and not every evening. It's now too cold to rock climb. Kung fu continues to be my therapy. But I still need more. I take up running. Dancing. Yoga. Krav Maga. If I don't keep moving, I slip backwards. Must. keep. moving. forward.

I got a text last week letting me know that his baby was born.

A new pain shows up. Thoughts I've never even had before lash out at me. I choose, this time, to not speak of it. To anyone. Thinking maybe if I keep it all to myself the pain won't over take me. Two days later, I am sick. New Years Eve, my throat starts to hurt. My lungs fill with tightness. I awake on January 1 and feel like I can't breathe. A cold has settled itself into my lungs with a vengeance. I take it, not talking about it wasn't the best option either.

I was very excited for a Full Moon Yoga workshop tonight to ring in my 32nd year. My coughing is so bad I have to leave the workshop half way through because I feel so bad for disrupting everyone else. I walk into the bathroom to wait for the next hour til the workshop is over so I can gather my things from the quiet peaceful room. The song on the speakers happens to be a song that reminds me of him. "Really life? Really?" I pick up my phone. He texts at that exact moment to wish me a happy birthday. I shake my head at the timing. I decide to call. We talk. I don't ask many questions. My heart can't bear to hear the answers.

....I keep thinking one day I'll be strong enough and things just won't hurt any more.... and maybe the crying will stop..... maybe. one day.  .........

I never, in a million guesses, would have been able to guess how my 31st year of life would turn out. One blow after another after another.... after another....

And yet.... what I did get out of the past year: a group of solid friends who absolutely love me. And they let me know. Often.  :)

I also learned you are never too old, even at 32, to snuggle with a teddy bear at night. They never complain about snot, tears, or bad breath. 

Day 49: Soul Family Love

Today I started my birthday celebrations a little early! Had some amazing lunch with a great friend who gave me some beautiful tulips! 

I then was invited over to dinner at my soul family's place. Homemade pizza and homemade chocolate cake! What a treat!! Surrounded by wonderful souls and so much love and laughter! If this is any peek into my year ahead, then I am super stoked for my 32nd year! 

Day 48: Happy New Year!

Yes, I am a day late.... Better late then never. ;)

I am very happy it is 2015 and a whole new year! I'm not sure I've ever been so happy to begin a new year. I love how each new year holds so much... hmmmm... possibilities! But this year I am substantially more excited because well, to just be frank, last year damn near killed me.... and I have made it to the other side. 365 days (well 364 now...) lay ahead of us....

Days that could, quite possibly, be the best days of our lives, yet! What an exciting thought that is! New memories just waiting for us to catch up to them. New friends, new horizons, new adventures. There are things going to take place during this next year that you and I can't even being to imagine. Wonderful surprises! Magical moments! A billion little things that will make us each smile and laugh. Lessons to learn. People to love.


It's all rather exciting, don't you think?

So here is to gently setting down 2014.... and gracefully walking forward... into 2015... through open doors... with open eyes, open hearts, and open arms... into moments we've yet to create...